The Ultimate Guide to Men’s Restroom Etiquette

The restroom, lavatory, washroom, water closet. Potty, if you will. Whatever you call it, you’ve used one at some point in your life. Hopefully, you use one every day. However, the toilet is such a taboo subject that we sometimes overlook the basic rules of engagement when one uses such a space in public. A trip to the privy is as much a personal journey as it is an experience we are forced to share with others. This ordeal that is both intimate and social brings with it a variety of awkward situations. Today, I am going to share with you a few tips that you can use to make your everyday excursions a little more civilized. Because I am a man, I will be writing about the Men’s room as I have little experience with the Women’s room. I am sure that some of what I have to say is applicable to the bathroom belonging to the opposite sex.

Some Background Information

Obviously, we need to start with a quick refresher on quantum mechanics. Everything in the universe is made of atoms, ourselves included. An atom has a small, dense nucleus containing protons and neutrons surrounded by a diffuse cloud of teeny-tiny electrons. Electrons orbit around the nucleus at different levels. In a 9th grade science classroom you may have heard of these “electron shells” where the first shell holds 2 electrons, the second 8, then 18, then 32, and so on. You are shown these as dots in neat concentric circles surrounding the nucleus like in the picture below.

Yeah, no. It’s a lot more complicated than that. If you’ve gone on to take a higher level science class, like Chemistry, you might’ve seen what I’m talking about. The electron shells are actually split into various “orbitals” that have crazy shapes because electrons aren’t just tiny particles, they’re waves too.

This doesn’t concern us too much, what matters is that within an energy level, there are multiple orbitals that each hold two electrons. Electrons will fill in these energy levels from lower energy levels to higher energy levels. However, they do not fill each orbital before moving on to the next one. If multiple orbitals are at the same energy level, electrons will distribute themselves among the available orbitals at that energy level. They do this because it’s awkward to cram into the same orbital when there’s a free one right next door. Actually, it’s because of something called Hund’s Rule. In the diagram below, each box represents one of those weird shaped orbitals. You can see how instead of cramming themselves into the first box, the electrons fill in one by one.

Hund’s Rule does not apply only to electrons filling in orbitals; it also applies to men using urinals in a restroom. Quantum mechanics has it down. Electrons get it. Men don’t seem to understand all the time.

Back to the Bathroom

The urinal. A fancy hole in the ground that a man walks up to and pees in. This simplicity makes urinals extremely convenient. No need to worry about trying to see if someone is in a stall or fighting with a latch that was purposely installed so that it doesn’t line up. You can have a whole wall filled with urinals, and everyone can pee at the same time. Genius! Or is it? You see, urinals come at a cost. It’s ease of use is complicated by the fact that you have to pee out in the open. Sure, you can hide your private parts, but it doesn’t diminish the vulnerable feeling that comes with doing your business in full view of everyone else in the room. The last thing you want is to have a stranger, or even a friend for that matter, invade your personal space and use the adjacent urinal while you are trying to tinkle. This is where Hund’s Rule applies to urinals. The “Urinal Rule” states that one is never to use a urinal neighboring an occupied urinal if there is an open urinal at least one empty urinal away from the nearest occupied urinal.

One might still wait to pee if the only open urinals are adjacent to urinals that are occupied. This rule, however, is thrown out the window at movie theaters, rest stops, and other areas with high urinal traffic. In these places, the use of any available urinal is acceptable after every other stall is occupied.

The Urinal Rule can also apply to stalls, but there is more flexibility in this case. Just as in bathrooms with high urinal traffic, it is acceptable to use an empty stall neighboring an occupied stall if there are no isolated stalls left. With stalls, it is always perfectly fine to go ahead and use any open stall if there isn’t a stall with a suitable buffer. This is permissible because stalls come with a barrier between you and the next person.

Test Your New Knowledge

Some Quick Etiquette Tips

Never, ever make eye contact or look over at the person next to you while using a urinal. Look straight ahead. You don’t want to accidentally catch a glimpse of anything you don’t want to see.

If you are in a stall all alone in the bathroom and someone walks in, make your presence known. That person might think they have the place to themselves, and when you go to flush, it might give them a heart attack.

Shut the stall if you are in one. This includes men who use them to go number 1. No one wants to look in and see you peeing.

“If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.”

Actually, just put the seat up. Don’t pee on the seat.

A Word on Conversation in the Bathroom

In his article about Men’s room etiquette, Ray from BroCouncil.com writes, “when you open the door to a public bathroom, you should shut your mouth.” He believes that “nothing is important enough” to talk about while in a public restroom.

I agree with him that you should never speak while you are doing your business. Don’t talk too much, if at all, while you’re using the bathroom. It is really awkward. No one wants to have a conversation with the person taking a dump in the stall next to them. However, I believe that it is acceptable to make polite conversation while using the sink or drying your hands, as long as the person you are talking to is doing the same thing and not still going potty. It isn’t polite to ignore the existence of someone standing next to you.

A Few Notes from the Girls

I gathered a few rules regarding female restroom etiquette from a few of the girls in my class. Here are their tips:

“Try to never pick a stall right next to someone else’s stall” – Amanda B.

“If someone runs out of toilet paper HELP THEM” – Margaret H.

“If you’re in a public restroom and have to hover over the seat and get some urine on it, clean it up. The next person does not want to go anywhere near your pee” – Margaret H.

“WRAP UP YOUR TAMPONS, DON’T BE A LIL NASTYYY” – Elizabeth H.

“Don’t flush the g** d*** tampon down the toilet” – Amanda B.

“Don’t put the used tampon on the back of the toilet” – Elizabeth H.

Thank you for visiting!

If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe so you don’t miss out on the latest life tips. Make sure to follow this guide on your future trips to the bathroom so that everyone has a pleasant experience.

Further Reading on Men’s Restroom Etiquette:

https://www.aol.com/2011/11/16/bathroom-rules-for-men/

https://www.mensroomlive.com/article-i-bathroom-etiquette

https://goodmenproject.com/good-feed-blog/7-rules-of-mens-bathroom-etiquette/

https://brocouncil.com/bro-council-rules/bro-council-rules-male-restroom-etiquette